im typing this from inside my closet

first my apologies if things are spellled wrong or if there are tipos, but i’m on the floor in the hall closet, an umbrella handle digging into my back, a string of garlic around my neck, typing as faast as i can, because… i’ve discovered something tonight… something horrrible and unthinkable… and i’m afraid if i go public with it… they’ll hunt me down and kill me.

my friends… WE ARE NOT ALONE.

there are other creatures, disguised to look just like us, with skin like ours and eyes like ours and a smell like ours, but when you ask them how barack obama would get a 5-2 split in the 3rd congressional district in pennsylvania… THEY DON’T KNOW!

fuck, they don’t even seem to CARE.

they also don’t seems to be obsessing about whether geranldine ferraro is a surrogate or a high level surrogate or a super secret surrogate or a fourth level cleric.

what planet are they from? how did they get here. WHAT DO THEY WANT?!?

these… fake human things… can’t tell me the date that texas will certify their caucuses… didn’t know the name of the cltv reporter who came forth with the leaked fake report of what barack obama’s campaign may of done that hillary clinton’s campaign might also have done…  have no fucking clue what percentage of superdelegates it would take for either candidate to be able to buy a chinese chicken salad at the supermarket without having to pay the full sales tax.

i discovered these alien beings at something called a “dinner party”, which is hard to describe other than… deep breath… there are no computers and everyone has something called a name (which is like a screen name only without any numbers). i won’t go into the gory details of this “dinner party”, because they are too horrible to imagine, just know… i was forced to take a shower… with water… and soap.

but my the horror in my head and the reason for my current panic is this: they don’t understand the mortal danger we’re in.

see at one point i asked (i was under the table at this point, because i was freaked out by the lack of blinking cursors on their faces) what they planned to burn down or blow up when their choice of Democratic candidate did not win the nomination and they said… they said… NOTHING. THEY DIDN’T SEEM TO THINK IT WOULD BE THE END OF THE WORLD! DON’T THEY REALIZE THAT’S JUST WHAT THE TERRORISTS WANT… THAT THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY WILL CEASE TO EXIST… THAT I’VE JUST WEE’D MY SELF HERE IN THE DARK.

oh, no… someone’s coming… footsteps… if these are my last words, please know… i love you best.

(no, not YOU, the one behind you)

32 comments

Skip to comment form

  1. …keeps calling me daddy and wants to go to the park.

    what do I do?

  2. Stay away from the adults at dinner parties. Repeat.

    • TMC on March 16, 2008 at 9:44 pm

    Clean yourself up, again. Take your son to the park and for Goddess sake, leave the laptop in the closet.

    • RNinNC on March 16, 2008 at 10:00 pm

    Everyone knows you’re in the closet, Jeff Lieber.

    You, too, John Travolta.

    I see people like that at work. My first suggestion is to avoid direct eye contact – that’s how they suck the life out of your well-justified opinions on the Primary. A prolonged blank stare can render all arguments moot – simply horrible!

    The second part of my suggestion involves mixing the alcohol of your choice with the sedative of your choice. You see, as a nurse, I can tell you that those warning labels on the sides of the medicine bottles are part of this grand plot to keep you improperly chill – IGNORE THEM!!!

    Good luck and God Speed!

  3. Last night I got called a “concern troll” during desert when I remarked that Obama might hurt his image by going more negative.

    (snark)

  4. may I ask:

    What is this “shower” that you speak of?  And the “soap” that you mentioned?  These are typos, right?

  5. We routinely discuss the irrelevance of the US federal government in light of the power of global corporations and emerging world trade “agreements”.

    As to the dinner party metaphysical light workers are attempting to counter the forces of evil using home built devices called reptile repellant.  Reptile in this context refers to the lower functions of the human brain and or reptile based aliens who can in fact morph into prominent political figures at will.

    Refresh,recharge, step away from the computer, TV and all “news” sources and embrace the coming spring.

    That leaves me with a question.  In all my years and all the elections why have I never heard the term “super delegate” before.  Must be a new Illuminati mandate.

    • kj on March 17, 2008 at 12:51 am

    😉

  6. but they can’t come in. Come back tomorrow night and try it again. They are if nothing else but persistent. What ever you do do not open the door or else one more alien scum will getcha. You wake up tomorrow and try to speak nothing but a shriek will come out. That good cause I will know then that you have been eaten mind body and spirit. Don’t sleep thats when they come. By the way send a donation to xxx to help me combat this problem.    

    • sharon on March 18, 2008 at 2:31 am

    i read this a second time.  good to see you at dd.

    • creeper on March 18, 2008 at 2:21 pm

    You could be married to one of them.

Comments have been disabled.