February 2008 archive

“To surge or not to surge!  That is the question!  Whether it is nobler to send more Americans off to face possible death, or to say I was wrong.”  

Heh!  Like I’m going to say I was wrong about something – G.W. Bush, Presnit USA

Back, oh a few months ago, the Bush/Petraeus/Cheney/Liberman/McCain Surge™ was going swimmingly!  We were told that it was going so VERY WELL that before the year 2008 was over, we would be reducing the number of American soldiers in the Iraqi theater down to less than the number of troops that were there pre-Bush/Petraeus/Cheney/Liberman/McCain Surge™.

Well.  Not so much.

If you would be so kind as to read on below.

   Lights … camera … drivel! Live from the epicenter of the irrelevant, welcome to a truly over the top, painstakingly styled and blown-out edition of the Post Academy Awards Pony Party! Pour yourself a Kamikaze, watch out for the faux-mink, faux-eyelashes in the bathroom, and try not to put an eye out on the stilettos that are thrown everywhere – why are accessories can be so challenging???

    Anyway, tonight’s utterly devoid of purpose sponsor is none other than the sublimely entertaining blog, Go Fug Yourself – a fun-filled, fashion-slashin’ chronicle of the bad taste and wretched excess that has made Hollywood synonymous with bad taste and wretched excess.  

    But just bookmark the link and look at it later, because we’ve got work to do, people. Last week, our illustrious leader, the one and only buhdydharma, posted an essay with the splendidly evocative title, “The Edge of Moistness.” The essay itself was most excellent, needless to say, although the exact subject escapes me at the moment. But the title … who could forget that piece of wordsmanship??

    Not surprisingly, a few of the local thread monkeys noticed that “The Edge of Moistness” was clearly just begging to be developed into a major motion picture. So we they decided to run with it.

    Based on past pitch meeting experiences, I helped out by “writing” three different scenarios. And may I say, with typical Hollywood humility, that every single one of these babies redefines riveting, while maintaining the hip, edgy attitude that screams “Story???!! We don’t need no stinkin’ story!!” so typical of today’s entertainment.

    Of course, it’s only fair that Dharmizens get “first look” (translation: Hollywood jargon for “you get to see it before anyone else does” – where do they get these crazy terms?). But first, a few things to keep in mind. In Academy Award-winning author William Goldman’s classic book, Adventures in the Screen Trade, he wrote: “In Hollywood, no one knows anything.” That was 25 years ago, and trust me, no one knows anything now either.  

    You’re probably wondering how that could be. Studio executives are paid exorbitant amounts of money. Shouldn’t they know something? Sure, they should. But here’s the problem. Most of them are … well, since the words “young” and “old” are not spoken aloud in Hollywood, the least offensive way to put it is “inexperienced.” Think “wasn’t he parking cars at the Ivy last week?” for the men, or “she’s only had plastic surgery once” for the women, okay? That’s how inexperienced they are.  

    And now, for you doubters, a true story: A few years ago, I was hired to write copy for the Adam Sandler “movie” “Mr. Deeds.” They screened the movie at the studio and then everyone met afterward to talk about marketing direction (a whole other essay). At some point, I mentioned that the film was quite different than the original. Every head in the room swiveled in my direction. Ten or so astonished faces stared at me, incredulous, like I had just announced that I was receiving a transmission from the mothership. (Moral of the story: William Goldman is a genius.)

    The second thing to remember is that Hollywood executives never read more than the first sentence of anything unless someone is holding one or more of their children hostage. To make this possible, there are people here who read for them – they’re called “readers.” (Seriously. Does someone stay up all night coming up with these crazy terms?)

    Anyway, “readers” actually read the scripts and then write “coverage,” which is a page that goes on top of the scripts, kind of like a “cover.” (Don’t look at me, I had nothing to do with it.)

    Being an executive, however, means you don’t even read the coverage. That’s the job of the person in charge “development,” aka the “D girl (or boy).” The D people then summarize the entire script in as few (small) words as possible for the boss. This is how the sales tool known as the “meet” line came into being. The meet line combines the names of two huge box-office grossing movies — say, “Star Wars” meets “Shrek” or whatever, it doesn’t have to make sense. You just want to make it clear to the executive that your idea is not merely commercial, but a chart-busting monster of a mega-hit.

    As all aspiring Hollywood creatives know, you also want to go into a pitch meeting with your own “log line,” a very short description that might appear in the TV Guide “log” to describe a show. Plus, be prepared to do some fast and furious name-dropping in regard to “talent” that you have lined up for your project. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never met your talent or if they couldn’t pick you out of a police line-up. If you know a guy who washed the limo that Josh Brolin took to the studio jet once, then you can say you “know” Josh Brolin and he’s “interested” in your script.

    But enough with the Hollywood 101, it’s time to get this show on the road. Here are the three different versions of “The Edge of Moistness” we’ll be pitching:

    Okay, Party People, I’ve done my part. It’s time to for you to step up and embarrass yourselves! Feel free to augment the story lines or add your own. And – most important of all — make casting suggestions for the actor who’s going to play YOU! Then giddy up on over to the star-studded Front Page and Recent and Recommended Essays, where you’ll find a veritable commissary-style smorgasbord of insight, information and thoughtful analysis. When you get tired of pretending to be serious, come on back because the after-party is going to rock!! And remember our motto: If you don’t have anything good to say, pull up a chair right here beside me!  

I found this video over at AfterDowningStreet.com. I was looking for something  but found this video instead.  It’s originally from The Onion, I wanted to share it with you all.  If you haven’t seen it, it’s worth a good laugh!  Sorry, but I’m going to make this short, my family just started attacking me…I must go play, but I’ll be around to hang out a bit.  How’s every body doin’?

1. The Guardian reports The United Nations is unable to meet food aid needs. The United Nations warned “that it no longer has enough money to keep global malnutrition at bay this year in the face of a dramatic upward surge in world commodity prices… With annual food price increases around the world of up to 40% and dramatic hikes in fuel costs, that budget is no longer enough even to maintain current food deliveries. The shortfall is all the more worrying as it comes at a time when populations, many in urban areas, who had thought themselves secure in their food supply are now unable to afford basic foodstuffs… WFP officials say the extraordinary increases in the global price of basic foods were caused by a ‘perfect storm‘ of factors: a rise in demand for animal feed from increasingly prosperous populations in India and China, the use of more land and agricultural produce for biofuels, and climate change.”

2. The AP reports that Wholesale prices jumped in January. “The Labor Department said Tuesday that wholesale inflation jumped by 1 percent in January, more than double the increase that analysts had been expecting. Meanwhile, the New York-based Conference Board reported that its confidence index fell to 75.0 in February, down from a revised January reading of 87.3. The drop was far below the 83 reading that analysts had forecast and put the index at its lowest level since February 2003, a period that reflected anxiety in the leadup to the Iraq war. A third report Tuesday showed that home prices, measured by the S&P/Case-Shiller Index, dropped by 8.9 percent in the fourth quarter of last year, the steepest drop in the 20-year history of the index… The January inflation surge left wholesale prices rising by 7.5 percent over the past 12 months, the fastest pace in more than 26 years.“

3. The Washington Post reports that South Africa is to resume elephant culling. “South Africa will lift a 13-year-old ban on using professional hunters to reduce burgeoning elephant populations, officials announced Monday, despite opposition from animal rights activists who call such killings barbaric and unnecessary… Across the [southern African] region there are an estimated 270,000 elephants, more than 120,000 of them in neighboring Botswana. Conservation officials in several African countries have struggled for years to strike a balance between the beloved animals, which have helped fuel a lucrative tourism boom, and other forms of wildlife whose habitats they devastate. In addition, elephants roaming beyond game parks sometimes trample villagers’ crops.” The moratorium will officially end May 1.

4. According to the Los Angeles Times, Water cuts are slicing into avocado groves.

   Deep in the green avocado groves, the winter quiet is shattered by the whine of chain saws. Workers wielding machetes slash leafy branches from the trees and spray-paint the tall stumps white to protect the bark from sunburn in the forced hibernation to come.

   Here, in the heart of the nation’s avocado industry, growers are beheading their avocado trees.

   Less than two months after a mandatory 30% cutback in agricultural water deliveries, some Southern California growers have begun “stumping” hundreds of healthy, well-nurtured avocado trees, putting them out of production for the next one to three years to leave more water for the rest of their trees.

Beneath the fold may lie the oldest urban site in the Americas… The find in Peru is older than the Great Pyramid of Giza

There is no doubt that blogs are the most egalitarian form of mass communication ever to come down the pike. The only thing even close to comparable was when printing presses became practical and cheap enough for one person to own and operate. And we know what happened then…

The work of Tom Paine and his fellow pamphleteers can easily be said to have changed the world. By distributing revolutionary thoughts and ideas to a country full of rebellious souls starved for them. Starved for change…starved for a change from monarchy and despotism. Starved for a new kind of freedom.  

You Dharmaniacs, crazy mutant rebellious renegade bloggers that you are, have put us over the top in raising funds by chipping in and ponying up to keep this small, humble and almost possibly vital outpost of the resistance movement “on the air” and broadcasting at 50,000 pixels of power, sending our subversive message of peace, love, humanity, justice, fun and a new way of life for the planet across all borders, around the world and via satellite to the farthest and barest nether regions of outer space so that all sentient beings can (eventually?)hear our voices, YOUR voices and rally round and join in as we attempt to change the world one brilliant essay at a time, so…I thought I would write one really, really long sentence to both celebrate and thank you all at the same time…..so I did….and this is it….and….great big thanks to all who donated, and to all who participate in making this, if nothing else, one of the most unique (sure you could substitute any number of words there: anomalous, best, exceptional, extraordinary, far out, incomparable, inimitable, matchless, most, nonpareil, novel, only, peerless, primo, rare, singular, something else, special, standout, strange, uncommon, unequalled, unexampled, unimaginable, unmatched, unparagoned, unparalleled, unprecedented, unreal, unrivaled, utmost, weird, if you went to an online thesaurus and typed in unique, just to make the single sentence even ridiculously longer….but that would be cheating) blogs in the known Blogosphere, thanks again!

Grab yerself a pony!

George W. Bush has a clear conscience. Clear as a vacuum. Clear as in there’s nothing there. Last week, Dan Froomkin had this interesting tidbit:

President Bush doesn’t have second thoughts. It’s just not his style.

Though at times he’s been forced to admit problems during his presidency, he never suggests that he should have taken a different approach.

And so he remains largely at peace with himself — even in the face of a genocide that continues years after he called it by that name.

It might fairly be said that Bush doesn’t have many first thoughts, but it’s comforting to know that not having done anything to stop a little genocide doesn’t bother him. Then again, we know that Bush converses directly with God, so he obviously believes he has cover. You may recall Bush’s 2004 answer, when asked if he sought his father’s advice, before invading Iraq:

“You know he is the wrong father to appeal to in terms of strength. There is a higher father that I appeal to,” Bush said.

And there was the report in the Independent about a Bush interview with the BBC:

In the programme Elusive Peace: Israel and the Arabs, which starts on Monday, the former Palestinian foreign minister Nabil Shaath says Mr Bush told him and Mahmoud Abbas, former prime minister and now Palestinian President: “I’m driven with a mission from God. God would tell me, ‘George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan.’ And I did, and then God would tell me, ‘George go and end the tyranny in Iraq,’ and I did.”

And “now again”, Mr Bush is quoted as telling the two, “I feel God’s words coming to me: ‘Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East.’ And by God, I’m gonna do it.”

Mr Abbas remembers how the US President told him he had a “moral and religious obligation” to act. The White House has refused to comment on what it terms a private conversation. But the BBC account is anything but implausible, given how throughout his presidency Mr Bush, a born-again Christian, has never hidden the importance of his faith.

Now, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people talking to what they perceive to be God. But there is a problem when they act on what they believe to be God’s direct word. There’s a word for people who think they hear voices. There’s a diagnosis. And when they’re in the position of being able to start wars, there is literally nothing more dangerous.

Today the ‘Doomsday Vault’ will open….full article at Yahoo!Green

Aimed at providing mankind with a Noah’s Ark of food in the event of a global catastrophe, an Arctic “doomsday vault” filled with samples of the world’s most important seeds will be inaugurated here Tuesday….

…[The Svalbard Global Seed Vault] has the capacity to hold up to 4.5 million batches of seeds from all known varieties of the planet’s main food crops, making it possible to re-establish plants if they disappear from their natural environment or are obliterated by major disasters.

There are other seed banks throughout the world, but since other sites in Iraq, Afghanistan, and the Philippines have suffered damage by war or natural disaster, efforts to consolidate the diverse samples from around the world have been increased.  The new site is located in Norway, and is buried in permafrost a mere 620 miles from the North Pole.

Countries contributing samples for storage in the ‘Doomsday Vault’ will retain ownership of their contributions.