I just have to share this:
Here’s a little sample:
10. Alberto Gonzales
Crimes: The most truckling, amoral flunky to ever serve as Attorney General. A jurisprudent organelle, he manifests no concept of the law independent of its expediency to the president. Would smilingly accuse himself of providing material support to al Qaeda at President Bush’s request, hurriedly plead guilty, sign his own death warrant and flip the switch himself. His testimony before congressional committees is to public service what cholera is to the small intestine. As first Hispanic Attorney General, Gonzo typifies the self-betrayal and ethical compromise necessary for minorities to become successful Republicans. Been felching sweet approval from Bush’s lily-white ass since Texas. A conscienceless, memo-drafting, loophole-crafting liar for hire, pushing for all the worst administration policies, including nixing habeas corpus, denying and then defending rendition, torture, political firings, and a ton of other evil stuff. He even visited a seriously ill and disoriented John Ashcroft at the hospital, attempting to coax him into reauthorizing a clearly illegal wiretapping program. The only Attorney General who ever could have made John Ashcroft a sympathetic character by contrast.
Exhibit A: “The fact that the Constitution — again, there is no express grant of habeas in the Constitution. There is a prohibition against taking it away.”
Sentence: Death by dull guillotine, head bent by Beckham.
Nobody gets off the hook here. If you’re a Hillary Clinton supporter, you might want to skip this one:
17. Hillary Clinton
Charges: Began in politics as a teenage Nixon supporter — that’s twisted. Moved on to corporate law, representing Wal-Mart and bravely defending Coca-Cola from disabled employees. Married out of ambition. Failed miserably as the first lady of health care. Has spent whole of senatorial career as a hawk and a panderer. Would have no shot at becoming president if she didn’t just happen to be married to one already.
Exhibit A: Has deftly avoided the flip-flopper label — by never, ever answering a question directly or committing to a position in the first place.
Sentence: Victim of vast right wing conspiracy to shove a brick up her ass.
And just for grins, here’s another one we can all agree on:
26. William Kristol
Charges: Bears the burlesque Cheshire grin of a sophist born with a large silver spoon jammed sideways in his mouth. A second generation neocon raised in the tradition of Straussian perception management and myth creation, Kristol is basically lying about everything — always — and he knows it. Whether at the helm of Rupert Murdoch’s Weekly Standard, appearing on Murdoch’s Fox News Channel, or co-founding the disastrous Project for a New American Century, Bill is arguably the most egregious media hawk of a generation. Seems to have suffered no ill impact to his career or prestige despite having been completely wrong about everything to do with Iraq and Iran, and actually laughs about it with obnoxious frequency.
Exhibit A: “First of all, whenever I hear anything described as a heartless assault on our children, I tend to think it’s a good idea. I’m happy that the President’s willing to do something bad for the kids.”
Sentence: Corners of mouth torn apart by metal hook towing mules and face stomped by high-heeled elephants.
Enjoy (and spread around). It makes great end-of-the-year reading.