Some call me Jesus

(@ 6   – promoted by NLinStPaul)

NOTE:  Reading Kid Oakland’s beautiful diary yesterday (which is still on the rec list at dkos as I write this) made me think of this diary originally posted September 3rd, 2006.  Given the timeliness I hope you will forgive the repost.  ~ OPOL

Some call me Jesus…

Others call me Yeshua, others the Son of Man.  By any name I am who I am.

Lately it has come to my attention that I have been swiftboated by a gang of lowly sinners who march under the banner of the Christian Right.  They have obfuscated my teachings and associated my name with the terrible sins of war profiteering, torture, and the dropping of bombs on innocents and children.  And those are just the beginnings of their transgressions.  With your permission, I would like to take this opportunity to set a few things straight.

DISCLAIMER:  Please forgive my hubris.  No offense is intended to anyone’s religion, or lack thereof – just a little creative channeling of the Blessed Redeemer on a Sunday morning (actually, just a few things I’ve been wanting to get off my chest re: the ‘Religious Right’).  Any heresy or error included herein is my own.  I don’t really speak for the Creator – or his family.  Oh, and apologies to pastordan for veering recklessly into his territory.  ~ OPOL  🙂  

(more below the fold…)

First a question:  What ever made any of you think I was a rightwinger or would endorse or approve of anything the rightwingers do, say, or believe?

Any lingering doubts about my rightwingedness can be cleared up at

In my day I was nothing if not a tireless advocate for the poor and downtrodden.  Have you forgotten this simple fact?  All my life I tried to be a good teacher of a few simple lessons.  Did you not understand me when I said that it is harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God than for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle?  If you still don’t get it, sit down with a camel and needle sometime and do a little experimentation of your own.

Let me be clear.  Riches are as much a spiritual burden as they are a blessing.  Wealth is to be approached with trepidation – not lust.  Greed is not a Christian value.  Those who are blessed with wealth bear a great responsibility to those who are not.  I suggest you not take that too lightly, as so many have done.  There are consequences you know.  😉

And war!  I said – War! Huh – Good God y’all.  What is it good for?  Absolutely nothing.  Say it again!   Like those lyrics?  Thought of ’em myself.  You should’ve seen the look on Edwin Starr’s face when I first ran ’em through his brain.  Priceless!

But the point is…I am not an advocate of war…not even the ‘good’ ones.  If you folks would follow my most basic teachings, there’d never be another one.  Wouldn’t that be something?  I’m tellin’ ya, you really oughta try it.

Now a lot of you have gotten very tricky with the biblical justifications of your philosophies and actions.  Most people of average intelligence can tell you that most anything can be biblically justified if you scour the text thoroughly enough.  Like it’s okay to beat your children because of that whole ‘spare the rod’ thing.  Don’t kid yourselves.  I was clear about this.  You’re not to harm a hair on their heads.  ’nuff said.

A couple of words about the Bible:  First of all, Dad didn’t write it.  Sure he inspired much of it, but it was written by fallible human beings just like yourselves.  And there’s plenty they got wrong, believe me, but we won’t dwell on that.  For now, I just want you to understand that the Bible is not a book, but rather a collection of books, written, edited, translated, and compiled (very selectively I might add) by men.  And as such, it is not infallible.  Feel free to use it for its comfort, wisdom, and literary excellence – but don’t misuse it.  Thanks.

That being said, here are a few my favorite passages:

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.  ~ Hebrews

For they have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind. ~ Hosea

And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. ~ Isaiah

The price of wisdom is above-rubies. ~ Job

And they shall beat their swords into plough-shares, and their spears into pruning-hooks. ~ Micah

Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.  ~ Romans

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. ~ Philippians

And then the Beatitudes are always nice (even if I do say so myself):

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they who mourn,

for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,

for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful,

for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure of heart,

for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they shall be called children of God.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

But somehow I feel like you guys are not paying attention.  Despite my legion of ‘followers’ around the world, an estimated one billion people in the world suffer from hunger and malnutrition.  About 24,000 people die every day from hunger or hunger-related causes.  Three-fourths of the deaths are children under the age of five.  While little children are starving in droves, you morons are blowing each other up with rockets and bombs!  Now what am I to make of that?  It’s all fine and good to save peoples’ souls, but maybe saving their lives should come first.  Just a thought.

And do not ever forget what I said about children.

“Anyone who welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But anyone who is an obstacle to bring down one of these little ones, who has faith in me, would be better drowned in the depths of the sea with a great millstone round his neck.” (Matt. 18:5-7)

Hint:  I wasn’t kidding.

I was a huge fan of children, and of a lot of other people whom so many of you routinely diss – and treat in a most heinous manner I might add (I loved Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure! – another one of mine.).  😀

I hung out with beggars, winos, prostitutes, and lepers.  These were my peeps.  They were humble and poor (and sinners of course) – but good people.  So where do you get off looking down your noses at these whom I called the ‘salt of the earth’?  I want you to know that it really rubs me the wrong way (if that matters to you).

And the way you treat each other, that could stand a lot of improvement.  If you know anything at all about me, or what I taught and said, you should remember this one (just a suggestion):

“..for I was hungry, and ye gave Me food: I was thirsty, and ye gave Me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took Me in: naked, and ye clothed Me: I was sick, and ye visited Me: I was in prison, and ye came unto Me…Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these My brethren, ye have done it unto Me.”

The least of these My brethren.  Remember that!  Ya never know when there might be a pop quiz.

A few more of my words that I wish you all would pay better attention to (again, just a suggestion):

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. ~ John

Let not your heart be troubled. ~ John

Ye cannot serve God and Mammon.~ Matthew

Neither cast ye your pearls before swine. ~ Matthew

For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? ~ Matthew

Judge not, that ye be not judged.  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.  ~ Matthew

A man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.  ~ Luke

For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. ~  I Timothy

For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.  ~  I Timothy

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. ~ Matthew



That’s all.  Just had to get that off my chest.

Peace and Love y’all.  Peace and Love.



Skip to comment form

    • OPOL on December 24, 2007 at 7:38 pm
  1. …and will.

    Amazing work OPOL.

    • plf515 on December 24, 2007 at 8:40 pm

    Haven’t seen you over at big Orange lately….you boycotting the place or something?

  2. I LOVE this OPOL!

    Thanks for the link to JesusIsALiberal–bookmarked.

    • OPOL on December 24, 2007 at 11:29 pm

    I love you guys.  🙂

    • Edger on December 24, 2007 at 11:37 pm

    And now a message from our sponsor, for the pseudo-Christian right. 😉

  3. spat-upon, ratted on…

    (from this song)

  4. …and just in case you were wondering, there is no need for channeling Jesus, for where two or three are gathered together in His name, He is there…says that somewheres in the Bible you know. Hmmm….where did I put that?

  5. with bible quotes with recommended treatment of the poor and aliens. Yea, the Bible even has a recommended solution for alien workers and it isn’t to put them in jail.

    It disappeared quickly but it has several additional verses one can add to OPOL’s list,

  6. You’ll have to change your name to One Pissed Off Liberal Jesus.  Great piece, as always.  Not irreverent at all.

    Thanks and love you too man!

    • Zwoof on December 25, 2007 at 2:30 am

    that zealots would just go apeshit about my long hair (think Southern  Indiana 1965) even though they had a black velvet, day-glo portrait of Jesus hanging  over  the bowling trophies in their living room.  

    • documel on December 25, 2007 at 2:33 am

    One of the great puzzles of this time is the abandonment of Jesus by His clergy.  The Vatican and the megachurches have made too much money and spent such a small portion on the needy.  They are beautiful on the outside but more pagan than Christian.  Also, how can any of His disciples hate the migrant worker?  The stranger in our midst?  The sick and young that speak another language?

    The stroke of evil genius of Rove was faith based initiatives–he bribed the priests and pastors with federal largess–and they succumbed.  The genius of the founding fathers was the seperation of church/state.  The actions of so many clergy have made it hard to be a believer in anything supernatural and benevolent–ain’t been many turned collars smote lately.

    Festivus for the rest of us sounds better each year.

  7. …Cheeses of Nazareth.


  8. from another Prince of Peace. Merry Christmas OPAL!

    • Bikemom on December 25, 2007 at 6:01 am

    and OPOL Jr too!

  9. …Jesus wasn’t and American! And he was a Jew! (the same goes for his Mother, Mary!)

    IMHO, the people suffering from a hubris so vast that that it blinds them to the truth, are those small-minded right wingers who try to put God in a little box of their own making–trying to reshape Him into their own image.

    • Balzac on December 26, 2007 at 1:53 am

    Also, Jesus would smite the hypocritical, fake “christian” leaders who know in their hearts that they are cruel, lying, sociopathic Satan-worshipers even as they claim moral purity, and exclusive knowledge of “God’s will”.

    I suspect Jesus would smite these cruel hypocrites without mercy and without hesitation. He would smite these evil men with a flaming sword of divine wrath on behalf of the children.

    My Christmas wish is that the spirit of Jesus will inspire congregations to drag down those hateful, money-grubbing, fake “Christians” leaders who besmirch Jesus’ name.

    Let them be dragged down from the pulpit by their ears and hurled out of the temples built in honor of Jesus. And let the political allies of these monstrous frauds also be dragged down and imprisoned until death.

    Anyway, I’m an atheist, but that’s my Christmas wish.

  10. Thanks for the reminder to not get him and those claiming to be his best doubled down friends confused with each other.

Comments have been disabled.