Chinese Lesson #1

(6 pm – promoted by ek hornbeck)

I’ve been living and working in China for 3 years now and thought you guys might like to learn some Chinese.

Lesson #1:

Chinese is very difficult

Let’s review now:

 Chinese is very difficult.

OK, you’re doing great!

Now, on to Lesson #2

Thanks for joining me today and welcome to Learning Chinese with Zwoof.

Lesson #2: Chinese for Republicans.

I had to learn this phrase the hard way.  In listening to Chinese folks talk, I kept hearing one phrase repeated often.

Wo bu dong. (pronounced wo bu dong)

So, I asked a friend. “What does wo bu dong mean?”

My friend replied, ” I don’t know.”

Amazed, I asked, “You’re Chinese and you don’t know the meaning of wo bu dong?”

My friend said, ‘Yes, I know the meaning you white idiot. It means “I don’t know.”

“Oh.” I said.

“OK, here we go class. Are you ready?

George, stop poking Karl with those scissors!

I know he likes it, but stop it anyway.”

George, what can you tell us about the NIE?

George: Wo bu dong.

And what can you tell us about the Dubai Port Deal?

George: Wo bu dong.

Dick, who outed Valerie?

Dick: Wo bu dong.

Alberto, what qualified you to be Attorney General?

Albert: Wo bu dong.

Great! Now everyone together.

How in blue bellied hell did you bunch of thieving fuckwads manage to ruin an entire civilization in only 7 years?

Class of 2000 in unison: Wo bu dong.

29 comments

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    • Zwoof on December 9, 2007 at 4:50 pm
      Author

    “I don’t know” several different ways.

    Next week:

    Chinese for Democrats

    Obscenities 101

    Comes in handy when you’re watching Faux News with your crazy relatives.

    • RiaD on December 9, 2007 at 5:22 pm

    lessons like these I can relate to!

    tnx Zwoof

  1. You alternate two simple phrases:

    1.  No se.  Means, “I don’t know.”  You shrug when you say this.

    2.  No recuerdo.  Means, “I don’t remember.”  You shake head right to left when you say this.

    There.  Now if you are a Rethuglican you are fully prepared to testify to answer Congress’s questions about anything in the time honored Rethuglican manner.

    • kj on December 9, 2007 at 5:48 pm

    teaching Republicans new languages.  I am impressed and… just a little teary.  @;-)

  2. where are we  ?!?

    wo bu dong !?!

    what are we ?!?

    wo bu dong !?!

    what is that out “there” ?!?

    wo bu dong !?!

    how much is “enough” ?!?

    wo bu dong !?!

    …………

  3. Hubby read a quick paragraph in a recent NYT that Mandarin education will be mandatory in Panama schools in the next few years as a second language.

    Has the kleptocracy secretly sold US interest in the Panama Canal?

    What else haven’t they sold?  Not Yellowstone Park yet, perhaps…

    • Zwoof on December 10, 2007 at 12:00 am
      Author

    just woke up….need coffee

    but one question for you

    “Hu’s on first?”

    • Viet71 on December 10, 2007 at 1:45 am

    Soksabay = a greeting, health and happiness

    One year in DLIEC

  4. where as I learned from Tommy Chong in regards to I don’t knows from idiot  “Bend over, pendejo” I as a callow youth found this hilarious, still do. Learned my spainish the hard way working and living with it, with some high school added but language is universal only the letters change. We all know what assholes are, regardless of the language.  

    • Temmoku on December 10, 2007 at 2:47 am

    Wo be gone?

    Or is that someplace else?

    Shay shay.

  5. I’d laugh if I weren’t crying so hard.  But then, “Wo bu dong!”

  6. But a little reminiscence about my daugher and her kids living in the New Territories (my granddaughter Madelyn was born there) has formed itself and must be told.

    My daughter (Southern California surfer girl and dancer) became a great cook of Cantonese food and bought everything in the open air market (they lived in a village, not apartments).  She and the kids picked up Cantonese quickly, especially Madelyn who really didn’t speak much else until she was about 4. The kids went to Chinese schools.  

    Madelyn was a favorite with everybody, tiny with bright blond hair and huge brown eyes,chattering away in Cantonese like a little bird.  Other residents (Chinese) were fascinated and took her picture constantly, sometimes physically moving and posing her without even acknowledging her mother, not a mild-mannered type anyway and a fierce mother.  There were altercations.

    Their second stay was on Lantau Island where my daughter disdained the supermarket offerings and worked out a deal with local fisherman to take her to a nearby island with a fresh produce and meat market in their boat, once a week, so she could once again shop open-air with her kind of people.

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