Preparing to Enter the Candidate Wars

I was a Gore Guy. (siiiiiiiigh)

I have had to admit my powerlessness over Al Gore not running for President. It hurt, but I have kicked the Opiate of Hope and am now willing to settle for some other candidate.

Which means to some extent or another entering The Candidate Wars at Daily Kos. I have mainly stayed out of the candidate diaries and certainly have not dared to participate directly, mainly just dipping a toe in to read a candidate diary here and there. The Candidate Wars make the Impeach Wars look like a game of flag football, and the convention isn’t until, gulp, August?

So it seems like some preparation, since this is obviously not something to be taken lightly, is in order. But since I have not studied up or paid attention to the players and the memes the players are playing, I need your help and advice on preparing myself to enter the fray. Below I will outline where I am in my process so far and ask for your kind and gentle help in completing my preparations.

This is where I am so far:

I have acquired a Sword of Flaming Purple Hyperbole with which to smite opponents of my candidate.

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I was able to purchase some Armor of Impervious Belief in which to wrap myself whenever speaking of my candidate.

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I was lucky enough to stumble upon a Lance of Pomposity Peircing with which to poke my debate opponents when they Preposterously Pimp their candidate over mine.

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When it comes time to defend my candidate, I was lucky enough to find a Shield of Unassailable Electability.

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And if things really go south for my candidate I have Castle Keep of Impenetrable Denial, surrounded by a Moat of Desperate Rationalization.

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And of course, I done got mahself a new War Pony upon which to ride forth into battle!

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It seems like I now have everything I need to enter the Candidate Wars. But I have this nagging feeling that there is something I have forgotten, some key element of The Candidate Wars I am missing! Any tips, hints or clues?

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    • pfiore8 on November 18, 2007 at 7:13 pm

    i’m a woman and would love to see it terms of passionate debate that really unearths what each candidate offers (or not)

    further, i’d love it to be a process that brings people together in that journey

    can’t we work to elevate the debate? can’t that be our small gift to this country of ours?

    but then, surely i MUST be a resident in your Castle Keep of Impenetrable Denial, surrounded by a Moat of Desperate Rationalization.  

  2. Don’t go there young Luke. The force is completely absent from that realm. But if you must, I’d suggest you wear this outfit:

    because that’s what it’s all about, sado mit masochism, and I know you’ll want to fit in with the proper attire.

    If you do go, I dare you to go after the Obama people. Some of your most beloved may be found in that particular gang 😉

  3. Luurv them castles, Buhdy, but hate the dusting!

    Pfiore8 got me thinking – I would like to be a fly on the Roman Senate wall and hear the candidates go to town in togas, whilst debating fundamental policy and Constitutional principles.

    Thanks for writing this, Buhdy.

  4. They are full of mindless cheerleading.  “I’m for Edwards, because he’s electable!”  Yeah, and George W. Bush was considered “electable” too.  Is that supposed to count as a reason?

  5. some eudemon and banshee crystals

    Just because Gore isn’t running doesn’t mean we can’t have a campaign for him.  Anyone up for a section of the site called President Gore?

    Keep it updated as Gore travels and discusses important issues.  Include simple tools for spreading the word about global warming, maps of ecological import etc.

  6. Arise Sir Buhdy, I dub thee Knight.  Love your fashion statement.

  7. I knew the emergence of candidate diaries and the taking of positions was going to fall upon paradise.

    I’m gonna get a big bucket of popcorn and watch. Will there be commercials?

  8. hyperboles in my primary madness, fixation, which is taking Hillary out of the equation. I was ineffective until I listened to Armando, use issues. However while I now get more mojo from other Hillary bashers, the supporters still meet the issues with You just Hate Hillary! In my quest I have gone  into each camp and if nothing else learned that the supporters and detractors may have started out with a rational reason, they get so caught up in the minutiae of the fight that issues  become absolutely meaningless. Maybe they are, as  the last debate left me creeped out at the similarity of all on stage. Kucinich was the voice of reality and absurdity, it’s  hard to debate issues when they are all just pols, working for the chance to be the next biggest boss, the super boss.              

    • Alma on November 18, 2007 at 8:27 pm

    You should have waited until I had my turn before you gave it away!  😉

  9. and an artifact which carries a connection to your deepest loves…..

    the rose is to keep your heart open….

    the artifact is to anchor your heart in love….

    oh yea and a red rubber nose…..

    this is neccesary to orient you in the fundemental futility and humor of our existence, the folly……

  10. but I do have a rant that never found a home, so I think I’ll put it here.

    I was watching Matthews the day after the Nevada debate. He went on and on and on (as only he can do) about how Obama took 190 words to answer the question about undocumented workers and drivers licenses. It was like he was pulling the flag and calling a foul for “too many words.”

    I just can’t believe that we’ve sunk so low that our media now calls “foul” on anything that doesn’t fit the soundbite mentality. Wolfie wanted a “yes or no” answer and Chris didn’t gives a fuck if sometimes in the real world things are more complicated than that!!

    Thanks for that moment, now back to our regularly scheduled snark.

  11. will * make the workweek 4 days and the weekend 3 days

    * end the war instantly, whatever war(s) we are then fighting

    * get us universal health care

    * nationalize the oil industry and the airline industry

    * have a policy that makes all immigrants legal after 6 months

    * end the death penalty

    * appoint leftists to the supreme and other courts

    * tax the richest 5% and corporations

    * end the Cuban blockade

    So when I go to the candidate machine, which looks exactly like a candy machine, i look inside to see what they have.  No luck.  My candidate isn’t there.  And the selection is large but boring.  Am I gonna eat worthless, non-nutritional, bland, common junkfood?  Am I?  Hell no.

    You go to the candidate diaries.  I’m going to the health food store.  

  12. May I suggest Last Song by Gackt (!)?

    Go Gackt!

    http://gackt.com

    Choose Hyde!

  13. a barf bag.

    • oculus on November 19, 2007 at 1:52 am

    Al, Bill & Hillary in Heaven

    Al Gore and Bill and Hillary Clinton go to heaven, and God

    addresses Al first. ”Al, what do you believe in?”

    Al replies: “Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve.  And I’ve come to understand that now.”

    God thinks for a second and says: “Very good. Come and sit at my left.”

    God then addresses Bill. “Bill, what do you believe in?”

    Bill Replies: “I believe in forgiveness. I’ve sinned, but I’ve never held a grudge against my fellow man, And I hope no grudges are held against me.”

    God thinks for a second and says: “You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.”

    Then God addresses Hillary. “Hillary, what do you believe in?”

    She replies: “I believe you’re in my chair.

     

  14. But if you do don them, promise to post a photo!

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