Sometimes I just can’t help myself….
DeepThoughtsByJackHandey.com |
“Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey” always make me laugh. They’re ridiculous, yes, and that’s why i find them so funny.
“If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, “Probably because of something you did.”
“If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting”
“I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children’s children, because I don’t think children should be having sex.” (this is one of my favorites…)
“I think there should be something in science called the “reindeer effect.” I don’t know what it would be, but I think it’d be good to hear someone say, “Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect.”
“When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.”
“If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that’s another weakness.”
“Some folks say it was a miracle. St. Francis suddenly appeared and knocked the next pitch clean over the fence. Other folks say it was just a lucky swing.”
“I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed shrink is our friend.” (so true…so true…)
“If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don’t think I’d call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the inpression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp’s gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.”
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Makes me wonder: why not call a skate park Rampo-Land or a retirement complex Gramo or Grampo-Land.
like… what do you call the area under your nose and above your upper lip?
or how my friend would always say… hey, don’t worry… without bad luck, you’d have no luck at all
or he’d say it’s never the fall that kills you; it’s that sudden stop
“Murphy was an optimist.”
Growing up in UT (mostly) I asked my Grandmother why it rained. She said “Cause the clouds bump their noses on the mountains and it hurts…so they cry”.
Worked for me!
she brought me a Deep Thoughts book when we were in a second hand book store. She asked me if she could have it and I glanced at it, flipped to a page and saw very few lines of print but didn’t read them. Told her it was fine and continued to shop for ME. I thought it was a children’s book 😉 When we got home though that night and she got her new book out for me to read I was rolling on the floor and she didn’t think much of it was funny at all. The book sort of disappeared. I think she sacrificed it to the Children God and I’m grateful I remain unknowing of the fire that was involved there.
“The British Army Works like this – If you hang a man and he dies, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.”