Admit One – NaNoWriMo Novel Excerpt Part One

There doesn’t seem to be any way to reserve full rights here, so I’ve pulled the drafts, but left your comments.  Thanks to those who read, critiqued and commented.

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  1. And please be harsh critics.  How are the characters?  Is the plot interesting?  Believable?  What’s the ho hum factor?  How’s the dialogue?  The setting?  Anything that catches your eye or causes uncontrollable nausea?

    Thanks-

    • RiaD on November 4, 2007 at 11:02 pm

    This:

    The trauma team had done this many times before, and would do this many times in the future.  During this 1900 to 0730 shift alone, the incoming level one – most unstable and critically injured type of victim – number was seven, and that was not even close to the all time shift high of 17 level one trauma cases.

    is confusing to me, aek, specially the last sentence. Maybe “during tonights
    1900…” I don’t really know how to fix it, but I had to read it three times to figure it out.

    The staff was donning disposable paper gowns with built in aprons …

    …she efficiently informed the public relations specialist in on the situation and the non-stop media circus that was developing.

    informed:of  OR filled-in:on

    I really like Joyce and Robin…the rest weren’t there long enough for me like or not. I think its a Great story line, shit, accidents happen every day so its certainly believable…I like how you’re putting in all the ‘X is approved by insurance’ type descriptions.
    The dialog/setting is very believable to me, but I don’t work in medical field…it sounds accurate though.

      I really like it much better now I’ve ‘seen’ the first part!
    Very Very Good aek, I’m anxiously awaiting the next part!

    • pico on November 4, 2007 at 11:05 pm

    I love it.  This kind of extreme attention to detail without focusing on any characters or plot is very unconventional, but I like it like that.  It’s unbalancing and confusing, which is exactly how that sort of scene should feel.

    In fact, it’s almost a disappointment once the plot starts kicking in.  Although that’s unavoidable unless you want a constant stream of action with no anchor for your readers. 

  2. The medical details are accurate and the participants talk the talk in a realistic way. I find it very fucking irritating especially on TV the way medical stuff is just plain wrong.

    • Tigana on November 5, 2007 at 3:23 am

    🙂 And someone who can make sure he reads it should send the ms. to Michael Moore.

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