The Crusty Arms Hotel

Location: if you have to ask you’re a dick
Rates: way beyond your expectations
Services: none
Things to do: sleep – fuck – shit
Other: Must supply your own linens, toiletries, and any other thing your whiny little ass needs.
Reservations: We’ll call you.

A rant on real estate below the fold:

My aunt was a Real Estate Agent in Texas, that means anyone can become a real estate agent in Texas.  But only recently have I discovered that this scenario exists even closer to home. 

Translation of popular Realtor terms:

cozy – your dog will love the 3 ft tall doorways

amazing views – of your neighbor’s rusting VW bus and a pile of wood and asphalt that used to be a barn.

river frontage – swampland

no neighbors – cuz your new land is on the old town dump

close to town – non stop truck traffic whizzing by at all hours

formal dining room – a table of some sort

country kitchen – dangerous appliances

finished attic – plywood over the insulation

field stone foundation – good luck

private yard – if you don’t count neighbors that can see over your 6 ft privacy fence from their upstairs windows

completely redone electrical – by my drunk uncle Earl on a bad week

surrounded by pastoral views – landlocked

fixer upper – demolisher

Things Realtors should consider:

Will only local people be buying my properties?  Most likely the answer is no.  So providing information about the area, lay of the land, proximity of neighbors, bodies of water, trail systems, maps and deeds, local laws concerning right of ways,  easements, septic design, land use, etc. would prove very worthwhile to your future clients.

In other words, work a little bit for the money.  You bastards.


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    • robodd on October 5, 2007 at 02:42

    Btw, river or water view means it floods.  A real estate agent once described a tiny kitchen to me as a “step saver kitchen.” 

    • Pluto on October 5, 2007 at 07:51

    Inquiring minds want to know.

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