Tag: Jacob Freeze

Barack Obama Reviews “It Begged For Death” By Jacob Freeze


As if feeding my dog “magic” brownies and telling Jarrett I like Axelrod better than her weren’t enough, now my idiot sock-puppet Jacob Freeze wants to publish It Begged For Death: American Culture and Society in the Age of Obama!

Of course I immediately stamped that thing top-secret and disappeared it down the memory hole in Michelle’s White House garden, and of course my stoner dog dug it up again, and again, but I’m posting a review of it anyway just so you know what I have to put up with in the Oval Office, with my DFH dog always yipping for munchies and Axelrod demanding $500 for wedgie-proof underpants because Valerie Jarrett…

Oh, forget it!

So my idiot sock-puppet’s dismal tome would be totally worthless except for some cover art he stole from Yves Marchand and Romain Meffre’s photo-book about the ruins of Detroit, that garbage-metropolis which only remains in existence because we’re all too broke and lazy to knock it down, and the rest of America likewise, with our imbecile cartoon-movie culture, Jersey Shore on TV, and a “sociopathic con-man” in the White House, as if Snooki in that hamster ball on New year’s Eve wasn’t classic TV!

snooki ball drop taping 311210


Jacob Freeze Exposes Phony Christians at Wall Street Journal

Brian Clegg has posted a review of Martin Bojowald’s new book about loop quantum gravity at the Wall Street Journal, but Mr. Clegg might have just as well spared himself the trouble of writing an intelligent summary of a very difficult book for Rupert Murdoch’s ultra-right-wing rag, because almost all the readers’ comments came from dim-witted creationists whose only interest in anything about science is denouncing Charles Darwin.

You cannot prove by any means that the central concept of one living God is untrue. Stop trying.

But why did reader Charles Sullins post this touching declaration on a thread about loop quantum gravity? God only knows, and it quickly got worse, as the pseudo-Christian spokesperson Keith Beveridge initiated a general attack on “secular Darwinism.”

By definition a world view should be balanced, practical, not too simple, not too complex, and match up fairly well with the world at large. Secular Darwinism fails on many of these accounts, most notably in my opinion in its self referential claim to truth in the face of its fundamental claim that there really is no truth, just molecules in motion.

And then it was God this and God that, for more than 100 comments on an article about loop quantum gravity!

But since you can read any number of articles and comments on those articles about almost any other subject except science in the WSJ without ever encountering the word “God” in any of them, I decided to ask Rupert Murdoch’s pseudo-Christian readership a couple of salient questions.


Obama’s Sock-Puppet Jacob Freeze Picks a New Cabinet!


This is Barack Obama, President of the United States, blogging from the Oval Office through my sock-puppet Jacob Freeze.

Jakie was supposed to play my conscience in “Obama 2012: The Sequel” but Axelrod erased that role, and now my sock-puppet posts horrible insults all over the internet! I’m a “sociopathic con-man” today, and yesterday it was “bullshit Messiah!”

And now he’s appointing a Cabinet from Hell that I’m supposed to live with, and I’m not even talking about Krugman as Secretary of the Treasury or Greenwald as Attorney General!

He wants to replace Hillary Clinton with Wesley Clark as Secretary of State!

Dude! Hillary Clinton is my comic relief!

Half the time she doesn’t even know what country she’s in! She makes me look like a genius!

She told the Russians “It’s time to push the overload button!” What the heck does that mean? Nuclear war?


Worse yet, Jakie wants to replace my National Security Advisor, Whosis K. What’s-His-Name, with James Fucking Hansen, that gloom-and-doom weatherman from NASA, as if catastrophic climate change was more of a threat to national security than a bunch of raggedy tribesmen in the hills of Afghanistan!


But seriously, folks!

What did I ever do to deserve a paparazzo for a sock-puppet?

Jacob Freeze Smacks Down Arnold Schwarzenegger at the WSJ

Physically, Arnold Schwarzenegger is just about the biggest, strongest Republican of them all, and even mentally, compared to the rest of those idiots, he’s almost a genius. But in a battle of wits against anyone of approximately average intelligence, the Governator has about as much of a chance as Elmer Fudd against Godzilla.

For example, in Arnold’s recent editorial for the Wall Street Journal, he makes several claims that even a fifth-grader could refute.

Few Californians in the private sector have $1 million in savings, but that’s effectively the retirement account they guarantee to public employees who opt to retire at age 55 and are entitled to a monthly, inflation-protected check of $3,000 for the rest of their lives.

Hundreds of the Wall Street Journal’s dim-witted readers accepted this silly claim with pitiful credulity, little suspecting that their all-time favorite action-hero was about to be beaten to a bloody pulp by a left-wing Terminator.

Jacob Freeze Bashes John R. Bolton at the WSJ

I don’t like preaching to the choir, and mostly reserve bashing right-wing bullies for right-wing venues like the Wall Street Journal.

So now that the repulsive psycho John R. Bolton is chanting “bomb, bomb, bomb Iran” at the WSJ…


Bolton’s genuinely weird excuse for supporting the war in Vietnam while he simultaneously ran away from combat is worth quoting more or less in full from Wikipedia.

I confess I had no desire to die in a Southeast Asian rice paddy. I considered the war in Vietnam already lost.”[13] In an interview, Bolton discussed his comment in the reunion book, explaining that he decided to avoid service in Vietnam because “by the time I was about to graduate in 1970, it was clear to me that opponents of the Vietnam War had made it certain we could not prevail, and that I had no great interest in going there to have Teddy Kennedy give it back to the people I might die to take it away from.”

Bolton never stopped cheering for the war, but after those goddamned liberals lost it, he “had no desire to die in a Southeast Asian rice paddy,” as if the 58,000 American soldiers who died in Vietnam had any more “desire to die in a Southeast Asian rice paddy” than John R. Bolton.  

But of course a few neo-con freaks objected to my ad hominem attack upon their hero.


And now it was time for some neo-con hoodoo to parade their ridiculous equivalence of Obama with Neville Chamberlain at Munich, with Obama appeasing the monster Ahmadinejad instead of Hitler, while the goddamned chicken-hawk John Bolton is cast in the role of… Winston Churchill, bravely urging resistance.


No decent person should even so much as acknowledge the existence of John R. Bolton!

And this is only an echo of Heinrich Heine’s grand anti-epitaph for the right-wing fanatic Metternich.

Nicht gedacht soll seiner werden!

Aus dem Mund der armen alten

Esther Wolf hört ich die Worte,

Die ich treu im Sinn behalten.

“Let no one ever think of him again!”

Out of the mouth of a poor old woman,

Esther Wolf, I heard those words,

which I have faithfully remembered.

Erase John R. Bolton, and the same for Bush and Cheney, and all who traveled with them!

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