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AP’s Today in History for December 12th

A divided U.S. Supreme Court halts the presidential recount in Florida, effectively making Republican George W. Bush the winner.

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Executives Urge Boycott Of Kellogg’s After CEO Receives Insulting Salary Offer Of $11 Million A Year

The Onion

BATTLE CREEK, MI—Flooding social media with posts encouraging consumers to take action, executives reportedly urged a boycott of Kellogg’s Thursday after CEO Steve Cahillane received an insulting salary offer of just $11 million a year. “We’re calling on everyone to hold the line and not purchase any Kellogg’s products until our company’s board of directors makes serious improvements to its pathetic offering of only $11 million per year with minimal stock options to our hardworking CEO,” read a statement signed by Cahillane and other members of the company’s C-suite, adding that they had been negotiating in good faith for a minimum of $20 million each per year, but the board had refused to budge on their lowball offer. “We want you to hit this greedy company at the bottom line where it hurts. If you usually buy Eggo, Nutri-Grain, or Pringles, we want you to stop all purchases of Kellogg’s products until this grave injustice is remedied. If they think they’re not going to let us take unlimited private jets or receive partial down payments on our vacation homes as part of our compensation packages, they’ve got another thing coming. And it’s not just the CEO—the salary offers for the regional senior vice presidents are in the low eight figures. It’s just ridiculous how they’re treating us. And if requiring more oversight for platinum company cards wasn’t cruel enough, they’re actually doing this while our poor vice chairman is out of the office because he’s on vacation in the south of France for six weeks. The nerve of these people is shameful, but we guess that’s just how the system treats CEOs. We call on everyone who appreciates Kellogg’s products to boycott the company until they give us what we’re owed.” At press time, incensed Kellogg’s executives put out a call to boycott the company’s products permanently after the board responded to the executive strike by hiring a scab CEO.