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AP’s Today in History for October 31st

Martin Luther leads start of Protestant Reformation; President Lyndon B. Johnson halts U.S. bombing of North Vietnam; India’s Prime Minister Indira Gandhi assassinated; Magician Harry Houdini dies.

Breakfast Tune Whiskey Shivers – Cluck Ol’ Hen – OFFICIAL

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Congress Addresses Child Care Crisis By Loosening Restrictions On Locking Children In Car For 8 Hours

The Onion

WASHINGTON—With 80% of the nation’s daycares understaffed and many facilities shutting down, Congress responded to the child care crisis Friday by passing legislation that would lift restrictions on leaving children in a locked car for eight consecutive hours a day. “We need to get more parents back into the workforce, and so I’m proud to support this cost-effective solution that will drastically reduce reliance on expensive, hard-to-find child care,” said Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC), who explained that the new plan would increase employment options for parents by eliminating the charges of criminal negligence they would previously have faced for shutting their kids in a car and leaving them in a parking lot for an entire workday. “This bill offers immediately assistance to that mom or dad who is struggling to make ends meet but, because they are needed at home, are hesitant to take on that second or third job. The new program is totally free and provides parents with the peace of mind that comes from knowing exactly where their children are at all times. It come with built-in safety features, too: Parents can lock the doors to their vehicle, and if a child is in danger—well, I bet your kids already know how to honk the horn, don’t they?” Recognizing that not all families have a car, lawmakers passed an amendment allowing parents to leave their children in a bus shelter or on a train platform for the duration of their shift.