The Breakfast Club (book learnin’)

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AP’s Today in History for August 8th

President Richard Nixon says he’ll resign; Thieves stage Britain’s ‘Great Train Robbery’; Nazi saboteurs in the U.S. executed during World War II; Mexico’s Emiliano Zapata and actor Dustin Hoffman born.

Breakfast Tune Never Learn – Devil Makes Three Banjo Cover

Something to think about, Breakfast News & Blogs below

Cuomo Increasingly Desperate To Shift Focus Back Onto Nursing Home Deaths
The Onion

ALBANY, NY—In the wake of damning revelations concerning the New York governor’s sexual misconduct, an increasingly desperate Andrew Cuomo attempted to shift media focus back onto the nursing home deaths caused by his administration at a Wednesday press conference.

“Of course, I appreciate the concern about these women’s allegations, but let’s not forget that I made a concerted effort to cover up the deaths of 9,250 seniors who died because of my negligence—that’s really what we should be talking about, right?” said a visibly panicked Cuomo, who proceeded to deflect several reporter’s questions by cuing up a slideshow featuring pictures of the doctored documents and his rescinded statewide order demanding nursing homes accept elderly patients carrying the coronavirus or else face legal consequences.

“Let’s look at the facts here: I sent throngs of sick senior citizens into New York nursing homes. That’s a terrible decision. Then I cooked the books so that no one knew the toll of my incompetence. Insane, huh? That’s front page, above-the-fold news that’ll last dozens of news cycles, if I’ve ever heard it. I don’t know, guys. Maybe focus on that.” At press time, the embattled governor announced that he was also an open book if any reporters wanted to talk about the corruption allegations against him.

Something to think about over coffee prozac

Republicans Protest Lack of Rioters on January 6th Commission
Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Casting a dark cloud over the select committee investigating the January 6th insurrection, congressional Republicans protested, in no uncertain terms, the panel’s “utter lack of rioters.”

Leading the charge was House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, who called the commission “little more than a gussied-up festival of anti-riot propaganda.”

“Nancy Pelosi’s handpicked Democratic panel members all have one thing in common: none of them took part in the riot,” McCarthy said. “Without an equal number of rioters on the panel, we’ll never get to hear both sides of this thing.”

McCarthy said that he had drawn up a list of potential rioters to serve on the commission, including the “QAnon Shaman,” Jake Angeli.

“I’ve spoken to the Shaman, and he’s up for it,” McCarthy said. “He just got his fur pelts dry-cleaned.”

The House Minority Leader warned Pelosi against proceeding with the commission if it had no rioter representation. “It could have a chilling effect on all future riots,” he said.