Can you pick The Onion without hovering your mouse over the links?
Not much of a challenge really, but if you just looked at the headlines you’d have an easy 50 / 50 shot at being wrong.
IOWA CITY, Iowa — Three friends involved in buying tickets and claiming jackpots that were allegedly fixed by a state lottery insider have something else unusual in common, prosecutors say: They hunt for Bigfoot in their spare time.
In a legal motion that is as strange as the elusive humanoid, Iowa prosecutor Rob Sand asked a judge Monday to bar any discussion of Bigfoot hunting at the upcoming trial of Eddie Tipton, the lottery official accused of fixing multiple jackpots.
“The prejudicial effect could potentially be as strong as Sasquatch itself,” Sand wrote. “Jurors could be incredulous. They could find it unusual enough that it outweighs other evidence in their mind.” …
ITHACA, NY—Describing it as one of the most groundbreaking achievements in their field, snack scientists at Cornell University announced Tuesday they had developed the never-before-possible capacity to stuff cheese inside itself.
“While past advancements in snacking brought us as far as stuffing cheese between crackers, inside cylinders of pretzel, and into a continuous ring within pizza crusts, our latest breakthrough has unleashed the full potential of cheese as both a stuffing agent and a stuffing vessel simultaneously,” said head snack scientist Laurel Masterson, who led the research team as they methodically tested cheddar, American, Colby jack, pepper jack, and nacho varieties for their stability, viscosity, and volatility when injected with or otherwise encased by one another.
“Not only do these findings redefine the very boundaries of what salty and savory treats are possible and usher in a bright future of previously unfathomable cheesy snacks, but now that we’ve stuffed cheese inside itself, we’ve opened up one of the most perplexing mysteries in the realm of theoretical snacking science: How many successive cheeses could conceivably be concentrically stuffed one into the next? Is there a finite limit, or could we keep stuffing cheese within cheese within cheese ad infinitum until we develop a treat of boundless snackability?” Masterson added that until controlled clinical tests could be conducted on the most hardened and experienced snackers, the results were not considered fit for human consumption.