May 3, 2011 archive

May 03 2011

Hi, I’m from the FBI, Can I Have Some Brain Tissue

Please?

I have a subpoena.

Really I do.

Also, I have a nice shiny drill.

But miss Bin Ladin, I have a subpoena.

No, scratch that, no need:

There is no Ms Bin Ladin, look wiki says he has all brothers.

But wait.

Look again.

It gets better.

Tissue samples taken from his corpse had provided virtually a “100 per cent” match with relations, including a sister who died from a brain tumour in a United States hospital, according to White House sources.

Now, all the papers says he has a sister, most report in Boston, whose name is ‘unknown,’ but that they retained her brain tissue, because you know, American hospitals have peoples brain tissue, even if they don’t know your name, and wiki says you don’t exist.

No worries there, though, a wiki edit is soon to happen.

Oh look:

Yahoo “Does Osama have a sister?

“this answer has been deleted”

5 minutes later:

Yes, he did. She had cancer and died. They took her DNA so if they caught Osama they could be sure that was him. He was the real Osama after they shot him in the head twice and tested his blood.

4 hours ago

Wait, wait, if this answer happened four hours ago, how come it changed 5 minutes ago?

In fact how come all the answers were posted ‘four hours ago’

May 03 2011

I Get Way Too Pissed Off

Resulting in incoherent rants about subjects nobody wants to hear.

http://www.naturalnews.com/032…

Mike however is safe and sound far away from the turmoil and demise of the former United States while I am not.

May 03 2011

Obama’s Silly Fable About Osama Unravels

Marc Ambinder, the National Journal’s White House correspondent, has just posted a sort of trial-balloon for the anonymous sources who play him like a penny-whistle.

From Ghazi Air Base in Pakistan, the modified MH-60 helicopters made their way to the garrison suburb of Abbottabad, about 70 miles from the center of Islamabad. Aboard were Navy SEALs, flown across the border from Afghanistan, along with tactical signals, intelligence collectors, and navigators using highly classified hyperspectral imagers.

After bursts of fire over 40 minutes, 22 people were killed or captured. One of the dead was Osama bin Laden, done in by a double tap — boom, boom — to the left side of his face.

BOOM BOOM! Shot twice in the face, and then identified by “facial recognition!”

Shot twice in the face, most likely with something like the standard Navy Seal assault rifle, the Colt M4A1 carbine…

And then identified by “facial recognition!”

And then disappeared into the ocean!

But wait… There’s more!

Officials produced a quick DNA match from his remains that they said established bin Laden’s identity, even absent the other techniques, with 99.9 percent certainty.

A quick DNA match?

With what?

Where did they get the other sample of Osama’s DNA to match their corpse? Did it “fall off a truck?”

No jury in the world would believe this nonsense, but in the Global War on Terror…

We don’t need no stinking juries!

Meanwhile Osama may be dead, or he may be alive, or he may have died last week or last month or whenever, or he may have died in Pakistan or Afghanistan or Yemen or wherever, and the only sure bet about Obama’s silly fable is that none of us will ever know what actually happened.

 

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