The Shlep Group


      The reason I am writing is to give information about a new life changing opportunity to get onto the ground floor of the newly emerging           ™NERF fur trade that has been sweeping the apparel industry. I know you are busy; this is a life changing opportunity to relieve your stress by securing your financial future.      

       As you know, the makers of ™™NERF toys have to remove the outer fur covering on the newly fabricated ™NERF material. This fur not only insulates from cold, is more breathable than ™Gore-tex and is waterproof, it does exactly the opposite in warm weather, protecting the user from the effects of hot climate and it changes as the climate changes in proportion the ambient local climate change. Unlike a regular ™NERF matrix, it still breathes.


                 This ‘fur’ has been extensively tested for years but an unlikely consortium of natural fur processors and artificial fabric makers including big name manufacturers whose names I cannot mention because of pending litigation have actively blocked the development of this industry by lobbying for anti-competitive laws.  

     The “™NERF National Security Law” is one of the most prominent that the SCOTUS has recently upheld in the landmark ™NERF  vs ®TJ Maxx decision. It allows the government to squelch any research findings about      ™NERF fur because of its amazing anti blast properties. That’s right, it bulletproof and vital to national security!        

       But, without casualties, war may become an untenable foreign policy, a situation that cannot be tolerated by some in the tangled interests the United States security apparatus. An internal debate rages in the defense and manufacturing sectors, revealing the irrelevance of elected lawmakers on the issue.

     Right now, there are warehouses filled with hundred of thousands of tons of ™NERF fur. In a perfect example of the chaos of our government, Lt. General Hyde Bound of the Materials Purchasing arm of the Pentagon Unified Seasonal Uniform Research and Materials Procurement Office (The infamous USURP-MP-3) issued a purchase order for one million all weather fighting suits for all of the armed services. Apparently, these suits will float in the roughest sea while retaining its insulating and waterproof properties, after a hard day surviving a torpedo attack, a sailor only has the shake out his suit and hang it in a dry room for fifteen minutes and the suit will fold itself into a 6x9x3 inch package with carry strap. A hooded suit even gives the sailor partial protection from direct eye injuries by drawing the hood tight in the cocoon configuration.

      Since the material is wind proof and the wearer, with a little training, can jump from an airplane at ten thousand feet and begin gliding to come to a preset laser guided ‘stand up’ landing from one thousand feet, it is being adopted by the air force to replace parachutes and for use by paratroop forces of the Army.        

     This order is irreversible, despite concerted efforts by industry lobbyists, The CIA, several US Senators and Representatives, The Attorney General and funding from several right wing think tanks fronting for now conventional material manufacturers who will lose their technological and competitive edge.      

     The explosion of new innovative knowledge started an avalanche of interest by private sector manufacturers that can’t be stopped. Fortunately, my socially conscious investment fund, The Peace, Prosperity and Happiness, Alternative Sustainable Living Sleeper Investment Group (TPPHASLSIG) has been invested, since its founding, in a fully independent subsidiary of ™NERF, called The Shlep Group,. We are prepared to sell blocks of 100,00 shares to interested investors. Prospectus on request, Go to          

      Hope to hear from you in a safer and more prosperous future.

© 2010 by libertyvalence, ARR. The names and events contained herein are fictional, any resemblance to actual people, events and names is purely coincidental.


Is the Pony/Pie/Hide rating system too cutsie?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...