Wherein I pay tribute to “The Pausererer”.

So, recently White House Butt-Coverer-in-Chief Dana Perino told the press…

“The President gets a report about every single soldier that passes away and he always pauses a moment to think about them and to offer a prayer for their loved ones and their family friends.”

Ignoring, for now, the phrase “passes away” (as if the dead soldiers in question gently slipped away in their sleep at the reasonable old age of nineteen) its important to note the TREMENDOUS SACRIFICE of our current leader, who goes to the extraordinary measure of… “pausing”… for each and every casualty of his civilwacuppation.

And “pausing” is just the start…

Our President has been known to move beyond the “pause” to a “wait,” then to a “break-off,” even sometimes to an actual heart-felt “rest”.

We’re not talking just a “linger” or a “loiter”, but an honest-to-God, full-bodied “cessation” and even, when the situation becomes dire enough, to a complete-and-utter “stoppage”.

Think about that.

No, no, “STOP” and think about it.

The President of the Free World cares so much about the troops that he is willing to do absolutely nothing for up to forty-five seconds as a way of honoring their service.

And this is no simple act. People have been known, in times of “full stop”, to have terrible side effects… like a lack of circulation… leading to “sleepy” limbs and even (WARNING, what follows probably is not suitable for work)… a NAP!

This kind of sheds new light on some of the “criticisms” of the current administration.

Its obvious now that the current occupant of the Oval Office is not lazy, disinterested, or entitled, he’s just overwhelmed by “pausing” that and therefore has no time to do things like figure out which of those dead brown people were Sunnis and which were Shiites.

And those moments in his speeches where he so eloquently said things like…

“I… uh… uh… I… well you see, Wolf… see… I got to pee-pee”

…those awkward silences weren’t the incoherent ramblings of an unprepared boob. No, those were “mini-pausettes”, expressing profound sadness and grief.

Fortunately, I have it under good authority that John McCain is also a world class pauser.

And so, if we on the political left succeed in turning both our nominees into so much shit-on-a-Trisket, at least I feel confident we will have at least four more (and maybe a hundred) years of gut-wrenching, soul-searching, pausing.

The troops deserve at least that, no?

Is the Pony/Pie/Hide rating system too cutsie?

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  1. actually The Pauser in Chief?  That just might explain

    quite a few things…

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