Olbermann Interviews Satan! How He Sees the Coming General Election!

(Olberman in normal, Satan in italics)

And the Number two story on tonight’s Countdown, an in-studio interview with the Lord of Flies himslf, Satan, on the presidential race. Good evening sir and welcome to the show.

It’s good to be here, Keith

As Satan, how do you look at the elections here in the US? Are you going to vote?

Well, first, I prefer Lucifer. No, I won’t be voting. I’m not a citizen of any particular country, and I prefer not to get personally involved in choosing who becomes the leader of a particular state.

That’s interesting. I would have thought that you would be involved in choosing many leaders over the years. I can think of at least one current leader who fits the bill.

(Chuckles) Well Keith, I’ve found that you humans are more than able to select leaders who you might think would be to my liking. After all, not all horrible leaders come to power without at least some popular support.

You had nothing to do with Germany back in the ’30’s?

No. The German people were desparate because the economy had collapsed, as it had around the world. They were also licking their wounds from the loss in WW I and the treaty conditions which were imposed at Versailles. Hitler wasn’t the only bad choice available, just the one who ended up in power.

And Stalin and Mao, Pol Pot, etcetera?

As I said, there was no reason for me to get involved. Each situation was headed in the direction that it was going. If the Bolsheviks wouldn’t have taken over in Russia, there would have been a major civil war anyway. The same is true with China. I didn’t have to interfere.

That’s a fascinating point of view. With that, let’s turn to the current election cycle. Any favorites?

I won’t be endorsing anyone. (Chuckles) I like all of the remaining candidates!

Even Mike Huckabee?

Yes. He’ll get us where we’re going just as well as McCain or the Democrats.

What makes you say that?

Underlying all his folksy charm, he’s a believer in the strand of Christianity that says we’re in the end times. Hell, all four of them do to some extent.

Are you saying that the next President is going to play a part in your rise to power?

I’m not saying that at all. After all, we’re told we won’t know the time or the place, so it’s not worth predicting. Ah, I see you look surprised at my answer. Is it that I know at least some basic scripture?

Well, sir, you being you and all I do find it a bit surprising.

Let me ask you a question, Keith. Do you think I’m an atheist?

I suppose that’s where I’d lump you.

Come now Keith, think it though. Who better than I knows that God exists?

Well, come to think about it, nobody.

Exactly. I have no interest in ideology. I want results. That’s why Huckabee will do just as well as the others.

So they’re pretty much the same in your book?

Not at all. Look, Huckabee would get there through his adherance to his extreme fundamentalism. He’s like W in that manner. He’ll help bring around the end of the world because he thinks it’s what God wants him to do.

And isn’t that what God wants to happen?

As you might imagine, that’s both simple and complicated at the same time. The best I can do in the time that we have is to say ‘sort of, but not in the way that the vast majority of humans think.’

And Senator McCain?

Bomb, bomb, bomb…bomb, bomb Iran. (Chuckles) Do you need another clue?

Well, OK. What about the Democrats?

Needless to say, they’re not quite as up front about things as the Republicans are, but I like ’em both!

Let’s look at Hillary first, then.

Fine. Hillary’s got one advantage over everyone else. No one would be shocked if she turned out to be the Anti-Christ.

Really?

Some might be surprised, but then again, she’s a Clinton. Nobody would be shocked if she had sold her sould to become President.

Has she?

Trade secret, Keith. I never tell about anyone who’s done that. I will say Bill hasn’t.

Really?

Really! And to be honest, I’m not too disappointed about it. Well, OK, I did increase his hormonal reaction to blue dresses, but that’s all. (Chuckles)

And what about Senator Obama?

I think there’d be people who’d actually be shocked if they knew he was on my side. That’s what makes him of interest, isn’t it. He’s the fresh face, even though we knew he was being groomed for the run at the presidency with his 2004 speech in Boston.

And if you had to posess any of them?

Well, to be honest, I wouldn’t want to posess McCain or Huckabee. I mean look at ’em. (Shudders dramatically) Hillary’s not bad and I could make Bill so impotent a ton of Viagra wouldn’t make a difference. And let’s face it, Obama’s electrafying!

So no predictions, then?

None whatsoever. And just to make things clear, I had nothing to do with W.

Really?

With the family he’s from? Are you kidding?

Well, that’s all the time we have for our interview. Sata…I mean Lucifer, thank you for coming on our show.

Thanks, Keith, I enjoyed it. I look forward to working with you for a long time.

I’m not sure how to take that. Coming up, as promised, a special comment on the signing statement on the bill banning torture. This is Countdown on MSNBC.

Originally posted here: http://rjones2818.blogspot.com…

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9 comments

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  1. It just sorta popped into my head, kind of.

    • Edger on February 15, 2008 at 4:58 am

    He’s too serious. Must be a GOP shill.

    He’s not giggling enough…. 😉

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