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History for Kossacks

A Pagan Christmas to All! by: Unitary Moonbat Mon Dec 21, 2009 at 10:42:13 PST ( - promoted by buhdydharma ) (thanks for the kind words over at the GOS, TheMomCat!) Among the mouth-breathingest of mouth-breathing Republicans, it's a well-known fact that every November or so, we libruls gather in our covens and plot the paganization of Christmas.  In their Left Behind-style fantasies, we are the legions of Satan, come upon the Earth to foist secular ideas and Godless traditions upon the flock of the Lamb.  Only the Bible stands in defense of the faithful against the pernicious attacks of the heathen First Amendment, as we the befouled seek to eradicate every trace of monotheism from our once-God-fearing civilization.  Each year, the scarred veterans of the (self-)Right(eous) stir their zealots to action, and in public squares and mangers throughout the land, battles over the soul of American culture are waged.   As in all wars, sometimes an enemy's gallantry on the field of battle impresses even a bitter foe - Napoleon, remarking on the Russian cavalry then crashing into his lines, said "Now these are Kossacks!".  Rather like the Confederates at Pickett's Charge, they may be trying to storm a solid position in the name of a dubious set of causes, but we have to respect the temerity it takes to throw oneself into the breach for an issue one really doesn't understand. There's More... :: (13 Comments, 4973 words in story)

Health Care is Our Waterloo: Here's Why by: Unitary Moonbat Sun Aug 02, 2009 at 20:32:50 PDT (noon. - promoted by ek hornbeck) They say that even a broken clock tells the correct time twice a day (or at least it did back in the primitive analog era), and in his recent comment regarding the health care debate being Obama's Waterloo, Senator DeMint (R-Mordor) proves "them" correct.  DeMint is using the famed 1815 battle as an analogy for a loss in an epic final stand, and while this may be enough to make him appear "smart" in Republican "intellectual" circles, it turns out that upon further inspection, there's actually some depth to the analogies that can be drawn from the scene of Napoleon's final defeat. So join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, where tonight we'll take a hair-raising ride through Analogy-Land!  See the president play the role of a French emperor, the Public Option as a well-defended farmstead, and we progressives as the Imperial Guard.  The battle isn't over, and we don't yet (and may never) share their fate, but regardless, now is the time to learn what could've been done to alter the outcome of the fighting. There's More... :: (10 Comments, 5140 words in story)

Europe's First Police State by: Unitary Moonbat Sun May 03, 2009 at 18:24:13 PDT So I know you were just sitting around wondering, "What are the origins of the modern police state?," and maybe, "Can an effort at genocide, if sustained long enough, actually work?," or possibly, "What would happen if a bunch of religious zealots were in a position to exercise spiritual, temporal, political, and military authority over all they survey?"   Well, Pope Innocent III, the same guy who launched the Fourth Crusade, certainly asked himself these questions, and he sought to answer them through direct action. So join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, to get a glimpse of a nobly enlightened culture as it is extinguished by the hate-filled love of the Medieval Church.  We'll also see the heretical Cathars subjected to travesties that only these people would not find barbaric... There's More... :: (1 Comments, 4854 words in story)

The Nika Riots by: Unitary Moonbat Sun Apr 26, 2009 at 19:36:29 PDT ( - promoted by buhdydharma ) The truly beautiful thing about history is the way it informs on such a multitude of levels.  Depending on the way one reads things, the same story can be anything from a simple, cautionary tale, to an eerily-similar depiction of current events, to a cause for awe and celebration of human achievement, to an inspiration for future generations - and all manner of interpretations in between.  But, since the understanding of history is ultimately a personal thing, I'll leave it to my fellow historiokossians to figure out how we as a community should look at the story of the Nika Riot. Join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, for a look a one of the most divisive times in the history of one of the world's great civilizations.  Now, far be it from me, a lowly historiorantologist, to claim that we as a community might see a bit of ourselves in the story - but I do confess to a hope that (if we have indeed laid waste to a third of our metaphorical city in the recent flamewars) the minds and passions here are capable of raising from the ashes our own Hagia Sofia. There's More... :: (9 Comments, 5552 words in story)

Return of the Blackshirts by: Unitary Moonbat Sun Mar 08, 2009 at 18:39:16 PDT It's something out of a twisted wingnut fantasy: 25,000 identically-dressed, tough-looking men and a charismatic leader with a simple, strong motto (in this case, "Believe!  Obey!  Fight!") barge into the capital city and bully their way into a leadership role in the government.  No complicated voting, no messy democracy, no stupid consensus; just a bunch of ballsy, take-charge kinda guys who know what's best for the nation and its historically-destined people - and woe unto he who disagrees with their image of what "the nation" ought to be... And yet, like so many bizarre, terrifying, and ultimately uncivilized events, this one actually happened.  Join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, where tonight we'll take a peek at Italy in 1922 - and if we're lucky, we'll even be able to discern how the shadowy rightists behind Santelli and the Teabaggers have moved beyond simply genuflecting before Zombie Reagan, and may now actually be trying to resurrect Benito Mussolini himself. There's More... :: (5 Comments, 3989 words in story)

A Message from History: Democrats, Attack! by: Unitary Moonbat Sun Feb 08, 2009 at 18:18:44 PST ( - promoted by buhdydharma ) I'm not normally one to rant - among the scores of diaries I've posted over the course of the past three years, only a handful are of the "screed" variety.  The sort of diaries I usually do don't lend themselves to soapbox-style indignation - there's not much to be gained, legislatively or electorally speaking, from a knock-down, drag-out flame war over, say, assigning blame for the outbreak of the First World War. Yet, as I've often stated, sometimes the worst thing about being an historian is that one often has a pretty good idea of what's coming next, decline-and-fall-of-civilizationwise.  Certain patterns are discernable, and seem to play out each time a civ rises to a leadership role in human development or the exercise of might - and no civilization has ever shown itself immune to the degrading effects of time.  Since often an understanding of the events of the past can inform the shape of responses in the present, it's here that this historian perceives a role for an historical rant. There's More... :: (18 Comments, 3713 words in story)

Kenya by: Unitary Moonbat Sun Nov 23, 2008 at 19:48:29 PST When future historioranters analyze the data from this past election, at least one thing will be abundantly clear: of all the nations in Africa, Kenya played the largest role in America's 2008 electoral process.  It hadn't been expected to be so - the odds were on perennial favorites like Egypt, South Africa, the still un-interdicted Sudanese Genocide, or that nutjob in Zimbabwe - but there Kenya was, looming like Kilimanjaro over the Serengeti.  And I mean over all the Serengeti: not only does the President-Elect have a close connection with the nation - Sarah Palin's Witch Doctor is Kenyan by birth. Join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, where tonight we'll contemplate a land that's seen everything from the Dawn of Humanity to becostumed imperialists to a sad-but-all-too-typical history of governance since the Era of Decolonization.  Maybe along the way, we'll come to know a little more about the most famous Kenyan-American of all - a guy who even now seems to be operating by that old African proverb, "Just because he harmed your goat, do not go out and kill his bull."   There's More... :: (8 Comments, 5200 words in story)

Star Wars by: Unitary Moonbat Sun Oct 12, 2008 at 19:00:00 PDT Picture this: Thousands of warriors, clad in jaguar skins and the feathers of birds of paradise, armed with atlatls and obsidian-studded clubs, move steadily through a rainforest toward a distant cluster of pyramids and temples. Like every warrior on the eve of every battle in all of human history, they wonder if they will survive the coming fight.  Some of them probably think about the circumstances that had brought on the war in which they have found their generation cast, and perhaps a few of them even consider the part they are playing in the greater socio-cultural drama unfolding in northern Guatemala in the 7th century CE. Join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, where tonight's historiorant centers around those quarrelsome city-states of the Classical Maya.  On this Columbus Day (a/k/a 7 Muluc 12 Yax), I invite you to take a break from Republican vileness and winking wannabe-veeps, and join me for a tale of the first Star Wars - a struggle between ancient Mesoamerican superpowers punctuated by some very recognizable story lines and subplots... There's More... :: (16 Comments, 4097 words in story)

269-269: The Nightmare Scenarios by: Unitary Moonbat Sun Sep 21, 2008 at 19:57:46 PDT All right, Chicken Littles.  You wanna play "the sky is falling?"  Okay, I'll bite.  How 'bout these possible outcomes?: Cheney becomes Temporary President in January, 2009...or... casts a tie-breaking vote in Senate balloting to determine who will be Succeeder to the Decider...or...Obama is elected President, but is saddled with Cariboucuda as his Vice President... All this misery - and more! - can be yours, for the simple price of an Electoral College vote of 269-269.  Join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, where tonight's theme is "The Implausible and its Potentially Apocalyptic Consequences upon Humankind."  The subject is the ticking time bomb represented by the Twelfth Amendment - and just for fun, let's look at some best- and worst-case scenarios it might spawn in the event of an Electoral tie.  The suggested headgear for the evening is a tinfoil hat; umbrellas might also be helpful, since everyone knows that the sky can't be falling if you can't see it headed toward you.   There's More... :: (3 Comments, 2447 words in story)

Meet the Luddites! by: Unitary Moonbat Sun Sep 07, 2008 at 19:04:17 PDT Mention the term "Luddite" to most folks nowadays, and it'll conjure up images of John McCain types - elderly folks still mystified by the electric typewriter, with "12:00" blinking perpetually on their VCRs - or the hard-core back-to-the-Earth sorts, who bristle at any device with moving parts.  As usual, the actual history is far more complex: these "frame-breakers" of early 19th-century England were not a variant on Amish farmers given over to vandalism, but rather the product of a complicated confluence of occurrences involving everything from newfangled labor-saving machines to the Napoleonic Wars. Join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, where tonight we'll take a look inside the changing marketplace at the dawn of the 1800s - and at a group of folks who tried to plow the sea by attempting to arrest the flow of history. There's More... :: (10 Comments, 4399 words in story)

Ghost Islands: Diego Garcia by: Unitary Moonbat Sun Aug 10, 2008 at 20:20:03 PDT WANTED: Extraterritorial location for indefinite detentions, torture of prisoners, and gigantic secret military installation.  Island preferred, remoteness a plus; must be cleared of troublesome natives and provide for completely restricted access.  Ideal landlord would consist of a compliant allied government willing to eat up the obvious bullshit that we're going to spew trying to explain the patently illegal actions we carry out on their territory. Contact:  D. Vader, US Naval Observatory.  Seriously corrupt inquiries only. Join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, where our old ally Great Britain will answer the above ad - by cravenly permitting the United States to reverse-colonize Her Majesty's empire on the island of Diego Garcia.  Upon (and in the waters near to) this speck of coral in the Indian Ocean, the British and Americans have established a base/prison/human rights deprivation facility that has played a larger role in the Global War of Terror than even Guantanamo Bay - a fact to which the Brits, at least, are finally growing wise. There's More... :: (8 Comments, 5622 words in story)

The Annotated White Man's Burden by: Unitary Moonbat Sun Aug 03, 2008 at 19:28:01 PDT In February, 1899, Rudyard Kipling, poet laureate of British imperialism, published in McClure's Magazine a poem for an American audience.  In it, Kipling hailed the brash new imperialists on the block, congratulated us on our recent conquests, and - even as the sun was setting on Victoria's Age - let would-be 20th-century colonialists know what was in store for those who chose to meet their racial obligations by lifting the unfortunate brown folk out of the mire. Well, Ruddy, you'll be pleased to know that we've finally taken your advice and shouldered the burden.  Join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, where tonight your resident historiorantologist marks his return from life-duties-related exile with a recitation of this old chestnut - and a hearty round of thanks to Mr. Kipling.  After all, without The White Man's Burden to guide us, we might never have seen any of this coming... There's More... :: (28 Comments, 1913 words in story)

The Bonus Expeditionary Force by: Unitary Moonbat Mon Jul 21, 2008 at 22:02:29 PDT It must have had a dreamlike quality to it: a summer's day in Washington, the tanks and troops on the street accompanied by officers like George Patton and Dwight Eisenhower, led by none other than General Douglas MacArthur.  America's Caesar was wearing a full salad bowl of ribbons and medals, magnificent astride a great horse; to the impoverished veterans he was riding to meet, he must have looked like a mighty warrior of a bygone era.  Then, to their horror, the Chief of Staff of the US Army ordered his infantry to fix bayonets, his cavalry to draw sabers, and his tanks to move forward. Join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, we're tonight's historiorant finds Depression-hit vets of the First World War encamped in a Hooverville in Washington during the summer of 1932.  I'm not saying it contains lessons to be learned about the interrelationships of Republican presidents, veterans, economic depression, and violent authoritarianism, but as St. Colbert once said, "I can't help it if the facts have a liberal bias." There's More... :: (11 Comments, 4510 words in story)

The American Expeditionary Force by: Unitary Moonbat Sun Jul 20, 2008 at 23:40:48 PDT (10 am.  Bumped - promoted by ek hornbeck) From the plebian soldier's point of view, the social contract regarding wartime service isn't all that hard to comprehend.  Every generation or so, your country goes to war, with the tacit understanding that the government will: only compel you to bear arms for a limited time; compensate you in some way for your time and effort; and tend to any long-tem injuries sustained while fighting for the government's causes.  So it is that every generation or so, a group of veterans returns to the United States in full belief that the government which sent them into battle will care for their wounds and honor their service - and in nearly every case, find their naïve hopeful trust violated in the most unconscionable, unpatriotic ways. Join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, where tonight your resident historiorantologist will start looking at how that government treated some of the veterans of a war four generations removed from the Iraq Occupation.  Along the way, we'll take a look at a war message that doesn't seem to have lost much relevance - or many talking points - over the past 91 years. There's More... :: (10 Comments, 1794 words in story)

Enlightened Justice by: Unitary Moonbat Mon May 26, 2008 at 20:00:00 PDT Your resident historiorantologist has lately been puzzling over the matter of how it is that Alberto Gonzalez and the current rubber-gavel-wielding "Chief US Law Enforcement Official" have not been brought before the World Court to stand for their crimes.  Clearly, it doesn't take the piercing legal intellect of a Harriet Miers to recognize that torture goes against everything Americans believe in - our nation is, after all, a product of the Enlightenment, that 200-or-so-year period starting around 1650 in which thinking humans chose to recognize science, redefine the roles of government and the governed, and repudiate things like tyranny.  Given this definition, of course, the aforementioned "legal" experts clearly are not Enlightened individuals, but closer examination of what actually went on before the bar back then shows that the Gitmo Gang would find themselves right at home dispensing "justice" in a court of that era. So join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, where tonight we'll look at criminal justice in the Age of Powdered Wigs - and may find that the current cadre of ethics-averse thugs running our penal/information extraction system would have been right at home in an Enlightenment court. There's More... :: (10 Comments, 4354 words in story)

WAS BREAKING - Skylab!!! by: Unitary Moonbat Mon May 12, 2008 at 21:00:00 PDT Lately it's become apparent to some of us that if one desires to see one's diary reach the rec list, one's chances are greatly improved if the title includes a hint of conversion to Obamaism, a pillorying of Hillary, or the old stand-by, BREAKING!!!  Now, by nature, historioranters don't get to shout "breaking" all that often, but since you all seem to have abandoned Mike Gravel, and have said everything that could possibly be said about Barrackemiah and/or Billary, I'm left with little choice but to pander like Senator Clinton at a Great Silent Majority rally. So join me, if you will, just outside the Cave of the Moonbat, where tonight we'll be scanning the skies, on the lookout for a school-bus-sized piece of space junk that NASA tells us (well, told us - the subject of this story broke literally and figuratively between 1973 and 1979) could crash/land almost anywhere on Earth.  Perhaps in our observations, we'll even get a glimpse of that rarest of celestial phenomena: A presidential candidate with a viable, workable, ambitious space policy. There's More... :: (14 Comments, 5195 words in story)

Iran and the Ayatollahs by: Unitary Moonbat Sun Apr 20, 2008 at 20:29:57 PDT For anyone born before 1970 or so, there are certain images that are come to mind whenever the name "Iran" is uttered: stern, bearded men in black robes, angry crowds, graphics depicting blindfolded American citizens with things like "Day 334" stamped over them, Ollie North bravely disgracing his uniform and perjuring himself, John McSame exploring the intersection of 1960s pop music and the idea of raining death from the skies.  In short, the past 30 years haven't exactly been a model of how nations ought to think of one another. Join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, where tonight we'll take a last look - a Parthian shot, if you will - at the recent history of Iran.  Maybe, just maybe, we'll get past some of the more extreme caricatures the Traditional Media has been foisting upon us - and perhaps be able to start formulating a de-Bushified foreign policy that relies less on blustering incompetence and more on genuine historical understanding. There's More... :: (10 Comments, 5813 words in story)

The Shahs of Iran by: Unitary Moonbat Sun Apr 13, 2008 at 20:00:00 PDT One would think that a person who has lived through as much history as John McThuselah would know a bit more about it, but as we are all too painfully aware, historical savvy isn't exactly a wingnut strong suit.  It's thus sorta-understandable - even as it remains completely unforgivable - that Angry Gramps would be unable to distinguish between Sunnis and Shias, Arabs and Persians, or really, anyone east of the Ural Mountains.  To the bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran set, "they" are all the same anyway, so any historical evidence that might indicate an outcome (of say, an invasion) other than their liberators-and-roses predictions can be safely disregarded. Thankfully, we here in the reality-based community know better.  Join me, if you will, in the Cave of the Moonbat, for a look at Iran in the 20th century - and hopefully a slightly better explanation for why the US government is not particularly loved in that part of the world than that old patriotic pabulum, "they hate us for our freedoms." There's More... :: (5 Comments, 5116 words in story)

Persia and the Great Game by: Unitary Moonbat Sun Apr 06, 2008 at 20:47:45 PDT According to the latest wire reports, the verdict is in: even (and perhaps especially) he who would be the next Bush doesn't know crap about Iran.  This is unfortunate; one would think the disastrous invasion of Mesopotamia would've reminded us that we're talking about a region of the world that breaks empires as a matter of course. Tonight's historiorant seeks to address just one of the lessons that needn't have cost us 4000+ of our own soldiers' lives to learn: that failing to accurately assess an enemy's capabilities frequently plays a major role in victories and defeats in Southwest Asia.  Marcus Licinius Crassus didn't appreciate that fact, nor did Hulagu Khan centuries later.  Join in the Cave of the Moonbat, and we'll see if we can't help to educate our misguided Republican brethren before they foist yet another hotheaded dumbass upon the American citizenry - and hopefully forestall our getting enmeshed in yet another Carrhae, Ain Jalut, or Chaldiran. There's More... :: (7 Comments, 4286 words in story)

Apocalypse 2012! by: Unitary Moonbat Sun Mar 23, 2008 at 20:00:00 PDT or The Really Real Reason Why '08 Is the Most Important Election Ever I've been around this big orange block long enough to know that writing a conspiracy-theory diary ain't a real good idea if you're not hungry for donuts, but some things...well, they may be out on the edge of non-paranoid discourse, but don't really fall under the category of "conspiracy."  I've scoured the FAQ for any mention of "prophecy," for example, and have found neither reference nor prohibition.  That makes me glad, because it's to the arcane world of divination that I must now turn: it falls to me, it seems - your resident historioranter-cum-Cassandra - to alert our community to the most important hitherto-unmentioned aspect of the job facing whoever is elected in November. The person we place in the White House this year will be the one sitting there, either as a lame duck or a president-re-elect, on December 21st, 2012.  This has special significance, since a great many prophecies seem to converge on that particular day - it's been slated to be the End of the World by seers from Ancient Mexico to Renaissance France. In short, the next President will be in office when life as we know it comes to an end. There's More... :: (29 Comments, 4298 words in story)

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